Special Kaye
Dennis Pennis Dennis on Video  Victims Jeff meets Dennis  2000 Acres Of Sky  Perfect World  Mike Strutter  Updates  News  Mark Owen's Celebrity Scooters  Jack Cake  Biography  Soundtrack to Paul's Life  Yoorinal  Alien Abduction  Interview  Questionnaire  Paul's Media Enormous Election Guestbook  Audio Forum Send a Paul E-Card  Club  About Me  Contact  Search  Links Home

Victims
                

 Who's been Pennised?   

So many unsuspecting celebrities were caught by Dennis, he was a master of his work and was around a long time before anyone had even heard of Ali G. He asked the questions only other interviewers thought or were too scared to ask. So here we look back at what happened when Pennis caught his victims.

To read what happened between Jeff Goldblum and Dennis click here

One of the best and most memorable encounters was with Kevin Costner. Dennis followed him for 24 hours, catching him quite a few times.
Kevin Costner:

Dennis: "Hi man, morning, I've come a long way to see you. Listen in Waterworld you play some kind of fish. Don't you think it's inevitable you get battered by the critics?"

Next Pennis got him with the invisible handshake! Then caught him again:

Dennis: "In your film you drank your own urine. I like a guy that takes the piss out of himself and then puts it back in, you know?"

And then once again:

Dennis: "You've invented a new genre you know, I've seen a lot of B-movies but you've made a C-movie in both senses of the word".
Kevin: "That's why you're a low budget guy, your hair, your attitude and your intelligence!".

Dennis said being called a low budget guy by Kevin is quite a compliment because in his terms it's about 150 billion dollars.




Virginia Bottomley:
Dennis: "Trainspotting is going to be a great shot in the arm for the British film industry"




Andrew Lloyd Webber:
Dennis: "Andrew, quick question for the BBC? Is it correct that recently, you've been writing sheets and sheets of music and then erasing them and rubbing them out?"
ALW: "No"
Dennis: "No? Oh because if you don't mind me saying I heard you were decomposing these days. Is that correct? No?"

Andrew stares blankly

Dennis: "Wrong? Right/wrong? Wrong? Wrong".
ALW: "Thank you"
Dennis: "Pleasure"



Frank Bruno:
Dennis: "Frank, hi. Listen I'm very worried"
Frank: "Why you concerned? What you concerned about?"
Dennis: "All this boxing you're doing you know, there's a real danger it might sorta stop people taking your pantomime seriously"

Frank laughs really loud

Dennis: "Was that funny?"
Frank: "That's a joke innit? Love the hair mate, and those glasses"
Dennis: "Are you worried about meeting Tyson?"
Frank: "Sorry?"
Dennis: "Are you worried about meeting Tyson?"
Frank: "No I'm worried about meeting a guy like you, 'cos I didn't know you was coming and you're fresh".



Pierce Brosnan:

Dennis: "What a life you got, I mean the press, the cameras, the journalists. I mean, don't they get pissed off with you following them around everywhere?"
Pierce: "Totally pissed. Who are you anyway? What's the name?"
Dennis: "Dennis. Dennis Pennis. You look like me don't ya?"
Pierce: "I look just like you man. When I grow up I'm gonna look like you"
Dennis: "I gotta tell you though, I saw Golden Eye, I was glued to my seat...........Otherwise I would've left".

Pierce laughs.


Mel Gibson:
Dennis Pennised Mel at a press conference in front of many for the film 'Braveheart'
Dennis: "In the movie, you play a guy with long hair, sort of Neanderthal barbarian...."
Mel: "Yeah"
Dennis: "Being an Australian, you weren't worried that might get you typecast? I gotta thank you though 'cos I haven't had sex in a long time, I went to see the movie and slept with the entire audience".



Joan Collins:
Dennis Pennised Joan twice
Dennis: "Hey Joan, you look like a million lire"(which is about 25 quid)

 and again

Dennis: "Do you think things get more beautiful with age?"
Joan: "Yes"
Dennis: "You do? Try saying that to my banana. You've been married quite a few times, I just wanna know how the system works, do you meet someone in a pub and say 'can you give me a ring in a few days?".



Cher:
Dennis: "Has anyone ever told you you're really beautiful.......and meant it?"



Demi Moore:
Dennis: "If it wasn't gratuitous in any way and it was tastefully done, would you consider keeping your clothes on in a movie?"

and also

Dennis: "Did you know that Errol Flyn passed away with a huge erection, do you think your husband will die hard too?".



Hugh Grant:
 Hurley birds ex worm
Dennis: "I have to tell you Hugh I must be honest with you, I find your acting a little but woody, a little bit woody".
Hugh: "Woody, right, yes"
Dennis: "I mean when you made your appearance in the film 'Sirens', I thought someone threw a chair into the room".
Hugh: "A-ha" (laughs)
Dennis: "How do you get yourself psyched up - do you go into the forest and stare at a few trees?"
Hugh: (laughs) "Oh you can fuck off"



Richard E Grant:
Dennis: "Is the E in the middle of your name to appeal to a younger audience?"



Michael Winner:
Dennis: "Michael, I understand you have nine toilets, is that right you have nine toilets?"
Michael: "I have nine toilets but I didn't bring any of them with me"
Dennis: "So you obviously make a lot more crap than people give you credit for right?"
Michael: (laughing) "No question of it"



Tom Hanks:
Tom was Pennised a few times
Dennis: "I love Philadelphia. Changed my life man. Smooth, creamy, spreads on your crackers like nobodies business".

Dennis: "You've made the ultimate space movie, completely lacking in atmosphere y'know?"

(Dennis is referring to Apollo 13)

Dennis: "Tom, you're Mr. Nice Guy, always nice, can you look in the camera and say something disgusting?"



Jamie Lee Curtis:
Dennis: "In 'A Fish Called Wanda' you were privileged to see John Cleese in the nude".
Jamie Lee: "To see any man nude is a privilege"
Dennis: "Was he Python-esque or did he have a Fawlty Tower?"



Michael Douglas:
Dennis: "Are there any similarities between sex and your bank account?"
Michael: "Is this a joke, no, not that I know of"
Dennis: "Well when you withdraw do you loose interest?"
Michael: "I see very good, hope you enjoy this one"
Dennis: "I will man"
Michael: "Take care"
Dennis: "You too baby"



Richard Gere:
Dennis: "As you're a Buddhist, do you like Tibet or do you think gambling's wrong?"



Naomi Campbell:
Dennis: "Hey Naomi, how come you're dressed like a duck? Can you confirm or deny reports that you said something mildly interesting in an interview once?"



Lesley Joseph:

Lesley: "Go away please, I've got a glass of wine with my name on it. Excuse me Dennis, I don't know you"
Dennis: (to camera) "I was thinking after 'Birds Of A Feather' was she thinking of moving into comedy?"



Michael Smith:
Michael is just so famous I couldn't find a picture of him.
Dennis: "Mike, Michael, Mike, can I have a quick word with you?"
Mike: "Hello Deenis, how are you?"
Dennis: "Very well thanks, how you doing?"
Mike: "Fine thanks Deenis" (he calls Dennis 'Deenis' intentionally)
Dennis: "I wanna know....."
Mike: "Yeah?"
Dennis: "How you recently got together with Sarah, because I heard a rumour, that your producer sat you down and said 'Mike, your washed up, go out there and get yourself a personality', and you might well have misinterpretted his advice"
Mike: "Guiness Book Of Records, longest question in the world"
Dennis: "Good question though"



Jimmy Hill:
Dennis: "Do you get fed up with people taking the piss, or do you just take it on the chin?"



Michael Heseltine:
Dennis: "Is it true the only harmony in the Labour party is the stuff you spray on your hair every morning?"




Mr. Blobby:
Dennis: "Hi man, how you doing?"
Blobby: "Oooh Blobby"
Dennis: "You look very depressed, y'know, you look very depressed, I got a feeling that deep inside there's a really sad man trying to get out"




Steve Martin:
Dennis: "How come you're not funny anymore?"




Prince, artist formerly known as, whatever he's called now:
Dennis: "When you grow up, what do you want to be, a fridge-magnet?"



Helena Christensen:
Dennis: "Why was the model staring at the orange juice? Because it said concentrate on the carton"



Elton John:
Dennis: "Hey Elton, do you know what they call you in Germany? Herr Piece"